Dan Moxham was born in England in 1982. He currently resides in Australia after traveling around America. He has been creating music, art and writing since the early 90s.
Dan has been writing fiction and poetry since 1998. He has had several poems published by small presses and local papers. He has self-published four poetry collections (Medical Atrocity, The Road is Golden, A Heart Touched by Human Hands, Heather). He has done live spoken word performances at the Bristol Old Duke. He is working on his first novel entitled The Mystery of Luminia Snow.
Dan started painting from a young age and has exhibited work in the Bristol area. His art has explored a wide range of themes including the bizarre, macabre, humor and fantasy in mixed mediums.
Badass Black Cop from Heaven
The once peaceful streets of Lower Maru have become a swamp filled with gangsters and prostitutes. The hard working male citizens living there before are now addicted to Crack Cocaine, and their wives and daughters are forced into slavery for the drug cartels in the slums. Most of the crime is organized by a Triad gang known as the Cobra Kings. Their leader Hung Ming is feared throughout the town and is known to behead his victims with a Katana sword.
The local police are distraught and losing all control so they have called in a specialist to clean up the filth of the town and wash the crime back down into the sewers. His name is Sergeant Ironside, a black cop with a chip on his shoulder, measuring at a mere 4’2 he has dealt with his fair share of prejudice over the years. Ever since he got his badge he has made a reputation for himself as being the baddest motherfucker to ever walk the beat.
He had been in the unit for three weeks when he received the call to get to the station early this morning. Commissioner Davis likes him because unlike the other cops he keeps his nose clean and doesn’t succumb to the Cobra King’s bribes.
Ironside drives his customized-miniature police car 120miles-an-hour down the 30mile-an-hour zone, swerving in and out of traffic. He arrives at the station, parks up, struggles up the steps, walks through the revolving door then heads straight to the toilets without saying good morning to anyone. He kicks the door so hard that the handle smashes a tile off the wall. He had been up all night banging the living daylights out of some broad he had met in a nightclub and had forgotten to shave. He pulls himself up onto the sink area and whips out a pair of scissors from his back pocket; he unfastens his belt and places his gun down on the counter so he can sit by the mirror in comfort. He is just about to start trimming his impressive handlebar-mustache when he hears his name echo across the tannoy system:
“Ironside…Ironside…Report to the Commissioner immediately!”
“Goddamn motherfucker!” He says throwing his trimming scissors into the sink. He puts his gun-belt back around his waist then dangles from the sink until his toes touch the floor.
“Ironside…Ironside…Report to the Commissioner immediately!”
“AIGHT…Fuck!” He wanders across the main hall then struggles up the stairs to the Commissioner’s office. He pushes the door open and looks at Davis.
“What do you want Boss?” He asks.
“What took you so long?” Davis shouts.
“I got small legs. Give me a break bro, that’s a lot of stairs you know?”
“Whatever Ironside…’ Davis taps a pencil on the table and looks down at Ironside, “Look, we got a tip off that two of the Cobra boys are in the Golden Wong restaurant. Because my other cops on the unit have been taking bribes I want you to go alone and talk with them. Don’t do anything else. Just talk with them and gather information. We need to find some reasoning with them before this whole place goes up in flames. You got that?”
“Sure thing Ace. I’ll get going.”
“Good. Now listen Ironside I have my full trust in you. Don’t cause a scene. The last thing we need is to start a war with these bastards. Good luck Sergeant and God speed!”
Ironside parks his car around the back of the Golden Wong as to not draw attention, the last thing he needs is for some bitch to recognize him from a night of ass-banging and cause a scene on the street. He walks down the filthy alleyway and opens the door to the restaurant. There are only two customers; both are male with small Cobra tattoos under their right eye. This particular tattoo is the sign of a Cobra foot soldier. One of the men is wearing a red silk shirt and has long hair; the other wears a black suit and has shorter hair. Ironside pulls out his gun and without question shoots the man in the red shirt straight through the eye, blood explodes all over the wall and table. His body lands on the carpet and his limbs start to spasm as his brain slowly dies. Before his companion can even think about what is happening Ironside shoots both his kneecaps out and he falls to the floor in a bloody state. His legs are bent in an inhuman way, making the man look like a pretzel. Ironside walks over to him and pulls him over onto his back; he crawls up onto his chest then sticks his index finger up his nose as far as he can. He digs it up the small orifice until blood seeps out of the unplugged nostril. The man screams in agony as the finger scratched into his eye socket.
“Tell me where I can find Hung Ming or I’ll pull your motherfucking brain out and mummify your ass!”
“I won’t tell you anything!” The man wheezes. Ironside shoves the finger up more and twists it causing the man to dry heave.
“OK…OK…I’ll talk…We got a club over on 46th street…The Dragon Temple…He will be there…”
Ironside pulls his finger out and wipes it on a nearby table cloth. He picks up a fork from off of the table then stabs the man 6 times in the throat and 3 in the face with it. The man gargles on his own blood as Ironside rips his entire throat out, revealing his Trachea. He sticks his little hand into the fleshy hole and pulls his tongue out.
“What you do? Why you kill bastard in ma restaurant?” Wong runs from behind the bar.
Ironside stands up on a chair and grabs Wong by the collars, “I’m doing my fucking job!” He says through gritted teeth, his face shaking with every word, “Now clean up this mess!” Ironside jumps off of the chair and heads for the door, Wong stands open-mouthed and looks around in dumb amazement at the carnage. “Wong, you’re going to need a mop to clean up this filth!” He slams the restaurant door and struts back to his police car.
Outside of the Dragon Temple he opens the boot of his car and undoes a secret compartment. He pulls from it an AK-47 and slings it over his shoulder. He shoves a cigar in his mouth then heads for the door.
“Ironside,” a female voice coos from behind him. He turns on his heel then staggers back. Veronica’s hairy pussy is inches from his face. She is wearing a skirt, but at Ironsides height he can see the whole kebab – sauce and all. The cigar drops from his mouth as he tries to blink away the smell.
“Hey baby,” she kneels down in front of him, “what you doing with that gun?”
“I’m on a job bitch. I got no time for your bullshit.”
“Why didn’t you call me back?”
“Listen baby, I got some serious shit going down. Either give me some love or get out of here!” Veronica grabs him by the ears and sticks her tongue in his mouth. She sticks a finger up her snatch then rubs it on his lips.
“Make sure you come and see me later big boy. I ain’t had any tasty meat in weeks.”
“Hell yeah sugar. I’ll give your ass a good banging later. Now get the fuck outa here.”
Ironside takes a large breath and prepares himself for what is on the other side of the door. Inside 3 guards stand at the base of the stairs in silence then – BAM!! The doors fly open and bullets spray across the lobby disabling them instantly and splattering human remains all over the varnished floor. Two lay motionless but one is crawling around heaving up lumps of black blood. Ironside walks over to him and looks down at him.
“You fucking midget cunt!” the man manages to splutter.
“Nice last words asshole.” Ironside takes a serrated knife from his belt then rams it into the top of the man’s head. His arms collapse from under him and he makes some kind of growl as his lights go out. Ironside can feel Demons posses him and the words of Satan tell him to annihilate the wrongdoers. Take no prisoners!
Ironside makes for the stairs and bounds up them with his little legs. At the top are 2 more guards, he shoots one in the head and the other in the stomach. The one with the belly shot rolls around on the floor clutching at the fragments of his guts and tries to shove his intestines back into the gaping wound.“Crime doesn’t pay motherfucker!” Ironside shouts as he unloads six bullets into his head.
He stands outside of the main office door slightly out of breath but calm, he can hear a commotion going on inside. He knows that Hung Ming will be heavily guarded and that this could be a suicide mission but by this point he couldn’t give a fuck. He takes a deep breath then kicks the door open and begins shooting everything in sight, one, two, three, blood everywhere, bodies pile up, and they didn’t expect a thing. He murders with precision and sends his enemies to hell in a storm of bullets. All goes quiet, and he can hear a slight whimpering from behind the desk. Blood and entrails are scattered everywhere, the once clean room now looks like an explosion on a shit farm.
“Hung Ming, you have nowhere else to go. Come out and put your hands where I can see them!” Ming stands from behind the desk and raises his arms; he walks around to face Ironside, then from a secret contraption in his right sleeve a gun springs out and into his hand. He pulls the trigger and empties the chamber within seconds. A bullet hits Ironside in the chest; he falls to the floor and gasps for air. He can feel his lungs filling up with blood; he can still taste Veronica’s pussy on his lips and remembers that he promised her a good fucking – And he never breaks his promises. He gathers all of his strength and lets out a mighty roar like that of a lion. He runs full speed toward Ming and catches him around the waist. The two men fly backwards then crash through the window…
Ironside opens his eyes and sees a paramedic stood over him.
“You’re going to be alright. Just hang in there.” He says nodding.
“You fucking idiot Ironside. I told you to just get information!” Shouts the Commissioner hysterically, his face has turned the color of beetroot.
“Did I get him? Did I get him Boss?”
“You got him Sergeant,” says Davis with a proud look in his eyes.
“That’s my man!” yells Veronica over the sirens. She pushes past Davis and shoves her huge tits in Ironsides face. Another slapper runs up behind her, “Get your tits outa my man’s face!” she screams.
“Your man!” says Veronica.
“Yeah, that’s my man BITCH!” the two women start brawling as the paramedic starts loading Ironside into the ambulance. They hike each other’s skirts up and tear each other’s tops off. A large crowd forms around them hollering and chanting. One guy chucks a milkshake over Veronica’s ass and the two women roll around on the floor punching each other.
“Hold up you Sloppyjizzumer,” says Ironside to the paramedic, “I want to watch this shit!”
“But you’ve been shot and pushed out of a three story window!” says the paramedic.
Davis sits on the edge of Ironsides gurney and lights a cigar. He puts it into Ironsides mouth then lights one for himself.
“You may be small,” smiles Davis, “But you are one badass motherfucker!”