Colonel Botox’s Blimp of Hate

by Horror Sleaze Trash on July 1, 2011

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Colonel Botox’s Blimp of Hate

by

Colonel Botox (Of Course)

Introductory Cusses

You already know me, don’t you? I’m the person that you comment on and say he’s just so negative. I hate that guy he’s so depressing, and boring. Why’s he like that? He’s got nothing wrong with him. He’s a white male.

Yeah, cause I’m the guy that serves you in the video store that has to put with your excuses about late fees. I’m the guy that gets trapped next to the lunatic that’s soiled himself on the packed-out train. I’m the guy that works minimum wage, lives in a shitty flat, gets asked to stay back and do extra hours, for no pay. I’m the guy that gets punched out in pubs for no reason, rejected by overweight blind dates, overcharged on bills, and told better luck next time…

So, I decided to construct myself a vehicle to escape in.

Something to cruise over all the bullies, and bullshit artists of this world.

See, I already outrank them.

I’m Colonel Botox. And now it’s time to fly away, in my Blimp of Hate…

Top Five Fuckwits of My 20’s

It just dawned on me that I’ve almost hit thirty. And what do old people do. They complain about shit. They reflect, they whinge, and they become fucking boring. Already capable of all of these things I’ve decided to write a list… A great big wondrous list (See the title above). Oh and by the way, I’ve excused anyone under 30 from this list, mainly because most people are a little bit fucked before they get some maturity about them. They’ve pissed me off and I’ve pissed them off. Fair enough. But the people below were all at least 30 years old at the time of being pricks to me. They were fucking scum sucking arseholes that passed on to me high blood pressure, wasted time, and generally negative thoughts about myself and the world. They’re not all the people I hate. They’re others. But this is just a list of people who instantly came to mind at the moment…

1. R.S.

A real piece of work. This guy was kicked out of Channel # news studios, for being a drunken letch I ‘spose, then he came to teach TV production. As you do… Arrogant and only ever gave the young girls, and suck-ups, a good mark. He later molested one of my friends. She never wanted to come forward though. So, he still goes on teaching as far as I know. Having fun, drinking and scabbing weed off students at the #### music festival. Also hit me on the back once, telling me to stop shaking the camera. Then didn’t help me get any work experience at the end of the semester because he hated me. Oh yeah, he deserves everything he gets.

Time of Annoyance: 1 year.

Special Associated Mention: J.F. – Fellow TV Production teacher. AKA Accomplice and blind eye turner.

2. M.B.

She interviewed me, then gave me a job working for the government. Sure it was well paid so I quit my other job. She might as well’ve said ‘Welcome to Hell’ when I got there. Little did I know they’d been through about five staff in the same position in the six months before I got there. Rude. But you know that arrogant, snide, look down your nose, I’m not being rude, you’re being rude type of rude? She once told some of the fellow office workers about how a man broke into her flat while she was there, but he soon fled without taking anything. That’s because he saw your slippery, pug dog face you fat sow, but back to the summary… Yes she was another one of those people that constantly incited murder wherever she went. Plus she was super friendly with the big dick in the office, so there wasn’t really anyone to complain to about her. Not that I complained. I just told her she was shit one day and got fired the next. My only experience in the public service…

Time of Annoyance: 3 Months

Special Associated Mention: P.H. – Her Manager AKA Bad poet and fucking airhead business hippy.

3. T.M.

Ah, T… We were friends at the start. It was all fine. I don’t know how it happened. You were my manager at ####’s. Taught me everything I knew. In return I was your slave – getting sandwiches to fatten up them jowls, putting away all the items that came through the doors and generally putting up with your smart arse comments about everything, while you went on eBay all day and did generally, FUCK ALL. But then I got a girlfriend. I was tired of being fucked over by you on a daily basis. It seemed like you got jealous of the fact that I was happy. And also you got promoted to store manager. So you were now officially, a big boss man. Finally, you falsely accused me of stealing from the company, thereby firing me, but only after I’d already given in my letter of resignation You dumb fuck! Seeya…

Time of Annoyance: 1 and half years.

Special Associated Mention: L. – Area Manager AKA ‘C’mon dude the wife and kids fool no one, we all know you’re really gay’ and ‘One day one of the customers is gonna fuck you up bad, like really, really bad’.

4. L.M.

Yeah I can build you a website! A big shiny beautiful website that’ll reach up to the stars and make rainbows. You need any help with it, just ask. 24/7 support! No problems… I shoulda known by the dude’s hair that he was a shifty scammer. Sure the website got up and finished. After much hassle, and having to sit in front of the computer for a week straight just so he could ask me questions at any time of the day and generally hassle/be a smart arse to me whenever he felt like it. And then I paid. And that was that. I needed a small change done before I went overseas for two months. Fifty fuckin’ emails and phone calls later it was done. Then I get a invoice for $100. This was never discussed. From the sounds of things, it was gonna be quick and free. Quick was right, free, not so right. Then I get back and need it changed. The designer has gone. You’ll have to do your own changes I’m sorry. No problem, cause I’m a web developer… And where is the SSL certificate that I paid for? Back to the unanswered email trail again ,and also the ‘it’s such a fuckin hassle for me to take your phone call’ tone. Loving it!

Time of Annoyance: Three months and counting.

Special Associated Mentions: None. This jerk-off works alone.

5. D.C.

D.C… You just had such a hard fucking life. And you were just an innocent, weren’t you? Just always stressed and under the pump. Luckily you had me to blame whenever anything went wrong in the office. You even blamed me for a set of missing keys, not bad considering I’d already left the job, but you still managed to turn my own aunty and uncle against me and make them think I was a lying thief. You always made sure I had too much work to do. And made me feel bad just for taking a lunch break. And yeah, loved to catch me out… Like yelling out to ask if I’d finished paperwork that you gave me ten minutes ago and that you knew that would take two hours to do, when you already knew that I had six other things to do on top of that anyway. There was no way I could’ve finished it. But that didn’t stop you from asking, and sighing loudly, and also making sure that you reminded me that EVERYTHING was urgent! But in the end all that hard work was for nothing, you still got fired the same as me. And you still look like He-Man’s arch nemesis, Skeletor…

Time of annoyance: Eleven months

Special Associated Mention: J. – Account Manager AKA Most cold, efficient, backstabbing and spineless horse in the office.

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