Neil Sweetman

by Horror Sleaze Trash on February 14, 2012

Neil Sweetman is an Irishman living in exile in Oslo, Norway. He is a some time film maker and picture framer, his passions in life involve Pantera, women, and beer.

Auld doll gayme a bell oller day te tell me how an auld friend had croaked. Sophie Lafferty, ‘auld friend indeed’, ah thought te meself, she was me first ride. Big Sophie, big, big Sophie, she was a right heffer. She let me finger her one night at the GAA, ah managed te get three in ‘er too, ah went back for more next week and she let me get in ‘er properly, ten second wonder like but still, ah was fourteen, took the rest of the boys a good two years te get theirs in.

Me an Sophie courted for almost half a year after that so she was me first real girlfriend as well. Ah bucked Sophie all over the shop for the next five months, working on ‘er each time te try an up me sustainability, the rest of the boys were slaggin me day an night for doin such a bear’s arse, but ah didin give a fuck, ah was getting the fuck.

Eventually Marie Baxter, with her emerald green eyes, sun bed legs and mammoth brassies, took an interest in yours truly so ah dumped Sophie so ah could get the buck off Marie an show off me already well-developed shaggin skills. Sophie went into sobs of tears, saying how she loved me an all that, ah toul ‘er te catch herself on wah all that shite, and how ah was never really all that serious about ‘er, just usin ‘er for the ride like, and how since ah was turnin inte a not-too-bad-lookin guy she was too fat an ugly te be me woman anymore.

Sophie ran off bawlin, ah felt a wee bit bad about it but that Friday at the GAA ah got the ride off Marie Baxter up round the back of Christ The King chapel and I felt better.

Turned out Sophie fuckin topped herself wah her own engine fumes after seven pure shite years of marriage te some cunt from Strabane who was konckin ‘er about all the time. She left ‘im a wee girl too, a wee, pudgy, spit of Sophie, auld doll says, she was at the wake. Apparently thon cunt beats the shite inte the wain an all.

I feel like toppin meself when I think of Sophie these days.

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