Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who now lives on the Southern coast of Britain, has poems, short stories and sketches published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight, this too may pass, yet.
The Scribblings Of A Mad Man, Excerpt 1
I feel like putting both of my hands inside my mouth (No, not that way, this way, yeah that’s it, just like that!) and pulling my cheeks inside out, then carrying on with the rest of my head, down over my shoulders, each arm at a time and when I get to my waist I can simply wriggle it off like a pair of baggy trousers. Then (With my skin and whatever? upon the floor!) I could leap into the sink, turn the hot tap on full, curl up waiting for it to get red hot and then witness the washing away of all the negativity within me. Then refreshed and newly freed from sin I could leap out of the sink, step back into my skin and peel it back on like a wet-suit, if I could only do this, what a wonderful Christmas this would be, maybe? I sit here imprisoned in words, how can this all be possible, I haven’t a clue, yet here I sit at this typewriter a slave to a strange and wonderful, powerful yet invisible force. I once wrote that there is ‘A Darkness About Him’ well tonight there is a darkness within him and that him is me, I feel it, it rubs me raw, my body tries to dispel it whilst craving it at the same time, I feel it building in importance, like a volcano readying itself for eruption, it is coming, yes, it is coming. Twilight is the time for self introspection; twilight is the gateway to the inner strength, if you drink from the well inside of yourself, the whole of the night time will light up within your head. The force will urge you on to emotional completeness, the adrenalin flows like magic striking the cymbals at the end of each nerve, ah, close your eyes and feel the sensation, to be a writer is a magical curse, tonight I shall feel a momentous climax of the soul (Get those fucking umbrellas ready!) Destiny is upon us, I can feel its breath upon my face, at last the time is near when I shall enter into the light of my purpose, it will be magnificent, even if it is only to me.If you spit truth in the eye, you will gain absolutely nothing, you will simply be denying yourself justice, for even though truth might stand there with gob running down its cheek, it will be and will always be, the truth. You cannot run away from yourself, it is impossible, I should know for I have myself tried this pointless exercise; it only leads you further into yourself, while also adding more painful memories to analyse, the more that you try the darker your world becomes. Look your Demons in the eyes and dispel of them one by one, those that you find too powerful to dispel should at the very least be leashed until sometime in the future when you have the courage and wisdom to get rid of them also. To break away from the dark side of your personality you must first stop looking at your problems, don’t sit there worrying and going over the same problems, instead sit there and only think of possible solutions to your problems. Even if these solutions cannot be put into practice at the time, you will set your mind free from anxiety by knowing that your problems are not the end of the world. You can then carry on with the rest of your life, not ignoring but putting up with the problems until the time is right to evaporate them, it takes a bit of practice but successful results can and will be achieved with time, practice and most importantly with patience, so good luck to you, I hope that you manage alright, if you do succeed let me know how difficult it was and I might have a go myself (The End Is Nigh!)
© Paul Tristram 2012