Tyler Gates exists in small town rural Midwest. His life is dotted by violent encounters with hillbillies, night jobs, alcohol binges, gas station explosions, and the occasional cult abduction. Besides pretending to be a writer, he occupies his time with illegal home-made hot air balloon races.
With the exception of several collections of flash fiction (which at the time of the publication have been confiscated as evidence in an as of yet undecided trial) Tyler is also the author of the novel Unhinged.
To The Stripper Who Made Me Rub Her Feet
You were middle aged, bored, and had a thin patch of dark hair just above your upper lip. You buttered me up all night; until I was good and ready. You had me tossing ones all over you and even managed to suck a few drinks out of me, I believe it was some expensive fruity mixed drink and a shot. Neither of which were anywhere near as watered down as my piss warm seven up with the dot of vodka floating somewhere near the bottom. You must have known the bartenders.
You did a wonderful job of pretending to be interested in the lies I fed you. And when the time came and you asked if I wanted a lap dance their was no way I could say no. For a moment you even had me believing I might actually still be a human being. You grabbed my thin wrist and led me over to the bouncer sporting the huge goatee, shaved head, and neck tattoos. I dished out my only twenty and before I knew it we were sitting in the backroom on a sticky old leather couch, stained with the sweat of a thousand men. The thought of it is enough to make my skin crawl. The thought of you does the same.
The room was dark, but not dark enough to hide your mustache and definitely not dark enough to hide my chemical burns but still we both pretended not to notice. You saw nothing but money when you looked at me and I saw nothing but attention from a female form, if that’s even what you are. But that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? Just after we sat down you told me I reminded you of a celebrity, a child star. To that I asked:
“Is that before or after he got bad into drugs?”
“After.” You replied almost right away. It didn’t take you much thought.
We shared an awkward laugh, faked in the worst way and just as the music started again, just as I expected the dance to start you unstrapped your buckled heels then peeled them off slowly and in the worst way. Slowly you lifted your legs up and around before dropping your dirt caked hooves onto my lap as you lounged back into the couch. I looked down at your feet, the smell seeping off them was terrible, it lingered in the back of my throat and reminded me of rotting garbage. It was then you said:
“Rub them, I’m tired.”
And the worst part of this story? I did. I don’t know if I was drunk or simple instinctual human stupidity but I did. And I hated every minute of it. I rubbed your nasty feet, they were slimy and the smell stained my hands for days after. When people asked me what that smell was I had to lie, I had to tell them I didn’t know but I did. I tried everything from soap and water to cleaning chemicals and steel wool.
Nothing fucking worked.
Make Me a Man
There I stood just outside the back entrance to one of my dads many apartment complexes. I had been there all day picking up trash and pulling weeds. This was the way I spent much of my time during the summer throughout my early teen years. What few friends I had were off with their new cars (new to them) and old girlfriends, while I walked around picking up garbage.
Just as I was about finished this older woman named Katy approached me. Her death black hair hung straight off her head. Her eyes were the most nauseatingly bright shade of blue. Still afraid to speak to woman I nervously stared at the ground as she began talking.
Giggling she said “Hey you. So I was talking to your dad the other day and he asked if I would make you a man.”
“Uh…..um…what?” I barely managed with shaky words as my gut spun around itself.
“Yeah I thought he was joking at first. Then we got to talking and I might just do it for you.”
Now panicking I coughed out “Wha….what do you mean?”
“My roommate gets off work in about twenty minutes. Finish what you’re doing then stop by our place OK?”
She shook her head and with a smile said “Don’t stress out about it! It’ll be fun besides I’m doing every future girlfriend you ever have a huge favor!”
With that she began walking away. I went back to picking up the remaining litter around the complex. I had difficultly with one particularly sticky pair of underwear someone had left near the playground but otherwise hurried my efforts. Just like Katy said her roommate Skye pulled up a short time later, shot me a small smile then walked inside. As she walked away I caught a glimpse of her ass. Aging has a way of forgetting certain parts of the body and her ass was no exception. How marvelous it was to my young eyes, I was in a trance. Later in life I’ve learned to just blame everything on testosterone.
After washing my hands in the janitors mop sink I began almost running to my car. I was almost scared of Katy and Skye, scared of what they might do but basically just scared of women in general (some things never change right?) but as I exited the building Katy stopped me and asked;
“Hey where do you think you’re going?”
I turned to her and her perfectly manufactured form told every cell in my body that I had no choice. Without a word I began walking down the hall towards her ground level apartment. She let me in and immediately got down to business.
“OK sit down over there.” She said pointing to a leather recliner as her and Skye moved to the couch opposite me before tossing me a beer and adding;
“My boyfriend is out of town. He won’t mind if we have a couple of his beers.”
Skye then chirped in and said “You’re lucky Tyler, we are going to show you how to do something most men never figure out.”
“How to pleasure a woman.” Skye replied as Katy giggled.
“Have you ever been with a woman before?”
“No” I responded embarrassed.
“It’s OK you’re really young and besides that’s what we are here for!”
After taking a hearty pulls off their tallboys and passing a half smoked roach between the two of them they began peeling their skin tight jeans off right in front of me. Once comfortable they sat legs spread staring at me.
“First of all we are going to show you how to finger a women.” Katy said as Skye got on her knees and began gently rubbing her pussy.
“Harder isn’t always better OK? A lot of guys think that but it just ends up hurting and don’t ever penetrate a woman before she’s wet!”
As Skye continued to rub she added “Yeah it’s like they’re trying to poke someones eye out or something!”
“Once she is ready you can put your finger in. Some women like two but it’s really up to the girl OK? Now watch what Skye is doing with her finger.” Just then Skye pulled her finger out and demonstrated a “come here” motion with her middle finger before slowly putting it back in.
“She’s rubbing my G-spot. It feels like a soft walnut or something, you’ll know it when you find it.”
Apparently great at multi tasking Skye then shouts out “Look Katy he’s getting a hard on!”
As I struggled to adjust myself Katy said “Well how can you blame him sweetie?” they then both share another giggle.
“Now the hard part. Every guy thinks he can eat pussy but few actually can. They act like scared of it or something. You want to make a girl go crazy? Don’t be afraid to get in there. Don’t be afraid to get her juices all over your face. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a reluctant man.”
I nodded in silence and took a pull from my beer. Just then Skye began eating her out. It was gentle kissing for the first few minutes then turned into this raw animalistic act. It was almost like she was trying to eat her alive. Now really getting into it Katy wrapped her legs around Skyes head and buried her fingers deep into her hair. And there I sat across the room watching this act unfold as if I didn’t exist. The moaning increased in volume and frequency as did the almost full body convulsions. Katy eventually came and as she did she almost humped Skyes face. It was so fucking intense that once she had finished Katy just lay there melting into the couch as she struggled to catch her breath. Skye stood up brimming with confidence, looked at me then walked off into the bathroom to do what I presume was wash her face off.
Still panting Katy took a deep gulp of air and said “Do you feel like you learned something today?”
With a then untapped sense of cockiness I replied “I think I learned a lot but what about like actual sex though?”
“Oh hun I can’t help you with that. All I can say is practice makes perfect but if you’re anything like your old man you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
The Best Things In Life Are Free
She said she could hear the tires squeal from inside the trunk. You must have taken a corner sharply because she rolled around back there. bouncing against a wet cardboard shoe box and some old jumper cables. That drive must have felt like it lasted forever, for the both of you. The heat trapped inside with her made it impossible to separate sweat from tears. She felt empty; nothing more, nothing less. Suddenly her world came to a grinding halt tossing her roughly to the front of the carpeted cage. She suffered through an eternity of the most painful silence before the trunk opened. Before her bloodshot eyes could adjust to the angry sun your hands grabbed her by the neck and began to drag her out. She screamed but they fell apart in the large expanse of a cornfield. The Earth spun slowly around the sun like it’s done a million times before as you fucked her body and raped her soul. Later after the deed is done, she found me sleeping. After waking me up with empty screams, she cried into the palms of her dry hands as she tould me she would never be the same. I don’t doubt it but wouldn’t dare tell her that. She even looked different, her skin was a sickly shade of white. Blood ran down her inner thighs complimenting her ripped black dress.
I should be there for her as she’s been there for me yet all I can think about is you and the overwhelming hope that I will get to you before the police do. I’ll come in tonight while you sleep. I have a key remember? I will approach you room which hopefully will be as dark and quiet as your heart. I will creep in slowly, hammer in hand. The intention being the complex remodeling of your face to match the monster that you are. You’ll feel everything, I promise. It’s just a matter of time now. Once her tears run dry and the handful of sleeping pills I gave her kicks in I will tuck her in and be on my way. So sweet dreams, I guarantee they’ll be your last. This isn’t a threat, or some lame empty promise. This is me explaining to you that I am going to fuck your world up. You’ll cry and beg and I won’t feel a fucking thing.