Michael Crane

Post image for Michael Crane

by Horror Sleaze Trash on May 13, 2011

I met Michael over a few too many beers when we both had readings for the Visible Ink book launch. I dug his style and just had to share him with you guys. A really interesting writer,  not a bad dude to sink piss with as well.

Michael Crane.

Things she said to him

‘You take the good with the bad.’
‘You’re a good person and a wicked artist
‘You’re very sensitive.’
‘I find you intriguing.’
‘You’re a strong person.’
‘I like your penis.’
‘You’re not too crusty for an old guy.’
‘You’re funny .’
‘You’re one sexy mother.’
‘You make my day.’
‘My kids like you.’

All these thoughts
crossed his mind
as she came screaming
towards him with
a large butchers knife.

Sorry Wrong number.

At 12.29 am
he had a phone call
from a young English woman.

She said it was Helen
but he tells her
he doesn’t know her,
she has the wrong number.

She says for $3.99 a minute
he could get to know her well
and that she would even
call him daddy, and he said

‘look here I have ethics
and morality. I am a noble beast
with good intentions
and I am offended.’

She said just for him
she would give out
a fifty percent discount

and he looked around
his squalid flat
and he could hear the
voices of the many women
who said no

and then in his deepest voice
he said,

‘are you wearing any underpants?’

and she said Oh Daddy
you are naughty.
Yes Oh yes Oh yes.

Being an Australian Part Two

I’m sitting at the tram stop
With my eye on a blonde girl;
Who is sitting beside an Asian girl
When she says, ” you have to say
the word cunt just right. Ciiuuaaant.
Better still, you ffuuuckkin Ciiuuaaant.”

This is the girl I would marry.
She catches my eye and tells me
To say it so I say, “You ffuuuckkinn
Bloooody ffuuuckkinn Ciiuuaant.”
She gets excited and we both say
“You Ciiuuaaant,” at the same time.

Then someone I know comes along
and says how is the poetry going?
and she gives me a look that says
the engagement is off and leaves me
sitting alone at the bus stop hating
my aquaintance, thinking “you Ciiuuaant.’

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