Ryan Quinn Flanagan

by Horror Sleaze Trash on March 27, 2013


Ryan Quinn Flanagan is a happily unmarried proud father of none.


Goldie Wheels


First there was the guy

who liked to watch little boys

play in the street

with his binoculars

from behind drawn Venetians,

and then there was the young couple

that used to make out in their car

and steam windows by the curb

each night

even though they had a whole house

to themselves

just feet away,

and after they broke up

and both went their separate ways

(different moving trucks)

Goldie wheels

and her family

moved in.

Goldie wheels had a name,

I’m sure,

but all the boys in the neighbourhood

just called her Goldie wheels

because she spent her days in a wheel chair

with unusually large golden wheels.

All the able-bodied kids in the neighbourhood

became jealous of Goldie Wheels

largely sedentary lifestyle

and banded together to declare war

on lucky cripples



I was not popular

and only allowed to join

after a friend named Jason

spoke up for me.


Jason and I confiscated all the empty

pickle jars


from our parents’ garbage,

hammered air holes in the lids

and spent our days catching yellow jackets

and paper wasps

and storing them in Jason’s

back shed.


Once we had built up a sufficient stockpile

we would lay in wait

in neighbourhood bushes

until Goldie Wheels came rolling by.

We would then jump out

shake the jars full of wasps

and hornets

and smash them on the sidewalk

beside Goldie Wheels’ chair

and take off.


Once the dizziness wore off,

the wasps

and hornets

grew enraged.

The wasps could only sting once

but the yellow jackets would sting

with abandon

and Goldie Wheels had a dilemma:


if Goldie Wheels chose to wheel away

to safety

her hands were occupied

and she was defenceless,

but if she chose to use her hands

to protect herself

she was rendered immobile

and prone to constant



All the boys in the neighbourhood

sat crouched in nearby bushes

watching the flailing screams

and panic

until some passing car

or concerned parent





it took a while.


After three weeks of hospital bills

Goldie Wheels and her family

moved away.


And there was nothing left to do

but build a tree house

in the woods,

and with broom stick rifles

and cap guns drawn,

hold back the marauding Indian armies

John Wayne always said

would come.


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