Tyson Bley

by Ian on May 14, 2011

Tyson Bley is a nuclear engineer. He writes mainly about these experiences. He lives in Germany. His personal blog is located at http://soapstain.blogspot.com/

Tim Roth Can Act This Part

Re-rez Doris over the barber pole. Breadcrumb and dead fly intervals in unobtanium. At the mill, mating habits dramatically. Error Message on the leaves the splintered-awful Photon Zone. Every time I see flu stop raving. Gits can still turn tricks – just think thank you and grab, run for, sit in the superconductor at your local opera. Smalltown heebies.

Lotus resuscitation platform. In another time and place a masked playact home invasion. Drive-though superfluity shopping. Mini hyena with finger on the genetic buzzer. Autopsies uploading panorama, warm geodesic fanning – your waist back underground. Code factory pickup line glitch, bad for the braincells – with a crucial Ugget in the rape van busted.

Inside The Tardis

‘Rosemary’s Baby is in my blood,’ says the Tardis.

‘The anatomy of an earthworm,’ Rosemary’s Baby says, describing what teleportation looks like.

‘Art Deco,’ its description of the Tardis itself.

‘Thalamus biter,’ the Tardis’ description of Rosemary’s Baby’s behavior in situ.

‘I am sorry a two-second frame of my face, taken from a moving train, has ever appeared on the Travel Channel.’ (Hemingway, nursing his drink with an ambiguous leer.)

Written in the speech bubble materializing right by the pocket of the bum camping out in the subway terminal: ‘Yo! I am your internal body functions!’

‘It was an oblique experience, like falling only trippier. But now I’m exhausted.’ (God – re the creation of Man.)

‘Batteries do have feelings, bless their little hearts’ – a flashlight, in Morse.

‘And they move their mouths’ – Patrick Swayze to Keanu Reeves, in the movie Point Break, in one of his bouts of self-convinced, home-brew philosophizing, fireside, in respect of fish.

‘Cinnamon is therapy.’*

‘I was confident I could have a pie chart made in my honor.’ (Father of six, husband to famous, blond, high-heeled career counsellor).

‘Pesticides make the butterflies in my tummy cantankerous,’ Prince Harry, before each Royal Ball.

The hairpin keeping the grandma hairstyle of thirteen year-old Roxy Cullen together: ‘It would be really lovely to insert the long filament of my ebony soul into the eye of each person here at INVADERCON.’

‘I would rather just sit here peacefully watching this candle,’ I say, in 1846, on the porch of a farmhouse – ‘and speculate about the exact location of its fuse.’

‘Candles are pee shy,’ more than one flame is purported to have vouched.**

A member of the audience stands up and observes in a booming voice that the bionic clamper, her main distinguishing attribute, is missing from the lower half of Oprah’s face.

‘It is rather unsatisfactory to have a pie chart made in one’s honor,’ the famous blond career counsellor assures her husband, stroking his hair gently.

‘Can you teach me how carpet-bombing works? And how I might be able to do it? Please?’ a mosquito asked the stunned and – some say – devout and charitable landlord of a Brooklyn tenement building, the mosquito’s slurper coiled in a bizarre rendition of obeisance, apparently aware of whom he was speaking to, and requesting this disturbing favor from.

‘Motor-reflexes can serve MORE functions than just inserting cute subliminal pauses in the movements of characters in stop-motion animations,’ an actual character in a stop-motion animation asserts, bitterly.***

*Source has been shot for saying this, on account of sounding intolerably woolly.
**Scientifically unverifiable to the point of libelous.
***Said stop-motion character has subsequently, since this writing, been gruffly dragged off the set of King Lear.

Brand Activism

Gentleman coal ash,
Haunted in Absinthe,
Cupboard fog,
Handle to the Cruelty Superglue,

Undertaker muse amid feathers,
Quietly ghost,
Bebop crystals monkey-picked from hair,
Transgendered jangled,
Brand activism truncation wank,

Invite for dinner Mighty Morphin Power Ranger,
At 5 o’clock: turbulence’s good side,
Celluloid Future marks descent of Taco,
It’s more than just a boner –
It’s a typographical sign,

Greedy sniffles of,
Electronic benefit detector,
Apron chloroform,
Keeping Ark swankily limo,
At the ebb’s poisoned orange.

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