https://ocsober2017.everydayhero.com/au/ben-john-smith-drys-out-in-a-vain-attempt-at-a-miracle

by Horror Sleaze Trash on September 29, 2017

Yo, If anybody still listens to my bull shit, this is important…

Any one following my snap chat can see the steady systematic decline of my mental state on a regular basis. Highs – lows… I have been planting this idea for a long time. And I’m not a fucking liar. I am a man of my god damn word. I hope I have proved that in always backing what I have said I was going to do. This photo has been a long time in the making. I have worked on this out fit for months. It’s an almost EXACT replica of my anti-hero idol Travis Bickle from my all time favourite film “Taxi driver”.

For a long time I have been planning to get this outfit right, tone up my muscles, get fit as fuck and visit a political rally and maybe JUST MAYBE shoot someone very important. It was a plan I have had inside my mind for a very long time. Eating away at my mind. It seemed like a good excuse too make a clean and easy break.

Relax… don’t call the fucking Feds you god damn rat snitch mother fucker. I’m not a fool. The whole time I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t a danger to the public I was a danger to my self. I have been my own worst enemy for such a long time. I have hated my self. I have feared I wasn’t worthy of being genuine. I have so much horrible guilt inside of me. And that kind of thing cannot live in a healthy human… And i think i quietened that loud roar with booze all to often.

So here’s to me assassinating myself. Putting a bullet into the head of the crazy mad mans ego I have carried so long. Putting to bed the demons. Laying to rest the narcissist. The drunk. The fool.

Here’s to me saving my self.

A month with out booze, and if the liver count comes down and I’m feeling good I’ll do another month. When it’s back to normal I’ll be a new man. I been working on a new me for so long now. I can do this. I don’t know how to end this rant and I don’t know how this will all end but it would really help me out if y’all mother fuckers had m back for this shit, like I know you will. I’m friends with some real dudes – black out drunk or sober as a judge i know you got me like you know I got you.

Let’s do this baby, here goes everything

DONATE HERE ~ https://ocsober2017.everydayhero.com/au/ben-john-smith-drys-out-in-a-vain-attempt-at-a-miracle

 

In the words of the big guy

Travis Bickle: “Shit… I’m waiting for the sun to shine.”

 

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