Andrew Hilbert

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by Horror Sleaze Trash on October 22, 2010

Andrew Hilbert lives in America and runs Beggars & Cheeseburgers magazine.


“Yes, sir. Agent 2345 will soon be prowling Anaheim Street looking for fine specimens to inseminate.”

“Wonderful,” Colonel Washingbone kicked his legs on his desk and leaned back in his swivel chair. “Soon, there will be an entire army of superhuman terrorist killing terror squads.”

“Sir, it will take at least sixteen years for Agent 2345’s offspring to become viable killing machines!”

“Nonsense! He was equipped with accelerated growth semen. By six months they’ll be smoking Marlboros, drinking Bud Light, and scalping men, women and children in the Middle East.”

“Sir, yes, sir.”


Agent 2345 was dropped from a helicopter onto the roof of Iguana Kelly’s, a bar famous for its women of loose morality.

He crashed through the ceiling, his cyborg erection healthy in its size.

“I have come to find a suitable pod for the future of America!” he announced. It was only 9pm so nobody was in the mood for this kind of patriotic bullshit. Everyone laughed at him.

Agent 2345 could not feel sadness. That was not a viable emotion for the mission. He walked to the shit covered toilet in search of cheap prophylactics to give the appearance of pregnancy prevention to his possible pods.

“French ticklers,” he said to himself as he inserted a dollar’s worth of quarters. Two French ticklers came out, “Interesting.”

He walked out of the restroom.

“I have come under orders of the United States government to pleasure a woman of loose morality tonight. She will birth ten Arab killing war machines. It is for the good of the country! I have purchased two French ticklers to ease your uncertainty about inserting a metal alloy penis into your numerous crevices.”

“Hey, bud,” a big Samoan guy with tattoos came up to him, “Why not go outside and find some other place to fuck around in, okay?”

“First I must obtain a viable pod.”

The Samoan punched Agent 2345 in the face. The bones in his fist shattered.

Suddenly, rage overcame Agent 2345. Rage was integral to the mission.

He grabbed his metal alloy dick and stroked it twice. Two cum torpedoes hit the walls of Iguana Kellys and destroyed them. He walked out onto Anaheim Street, erection raging. He pumped his cock two more times and pointed it into the air. The cum-covered death bringers splattered all over the street causing a ten car pileup.

Upon seeing the violence of one man’s dick, the police waited at the intersection of Ximeno and Anaheim for military backup. Military backup never came. Military backup was cumming all over the city.

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